FoSue

TITLE: FoSue
AUTHOR: FoS
EMAIL: ulrecu@hotmail.com
CONTENT WARNING: a peek into my mind...
SPOILER: slight for Jolinar's Memories
CATEGORY: MarySue *snicker*
RATING: PG to be safe
ARCHIVE: Anywhere, just tell me so I can fall off my chair laughing
DISCLAIMER: RDA belongs to himself, all Stargate characters belong to the Stargate peoples, MishaNova belongs to Sand, Rachel belongs to PK, Mirlou belongs to Mireille, petlady belongs to Maria, Star Trek and Star Wars belong to their own peoples and I belong to me as do my cats.
AUTHOR NOTE: This is an accurate representation of how I think I'd react. Thank you to Maria and Mireille for betaing this on the fly through ICQ.
FEEDBACK: Oh yeah...c

Jack opened his eyes and froze.
/Where am I?/
His brain was racing, piecing together the recent events...trying to make sense of everything.
Memories rushed into his mind as he relived the firefight in the tunnel before Jacob had pushed him against the old mirror in the wall.
Now he was in yet another reality...an alternate alternate reality.
His head started hurting so he pushed all the possibilities out of his mind and concentrated on where he was now.
The room was white with purplish flowers on the wallpaper with odd photographs on the wall.
It was obviously a bedroom, as the white metal bunkbed attested, that belonged to someone with dubious organizational habits.
Cases in point were the two large boxes he was laying on right smack in the middle of the floor.
At least he thought a floor was underneath the stacks of papers and piles of clothing sorted according to some alien filing system.
He saw a folded blue dress on the desk with sketching supplies surrounding it and his eyes widened when he realized the paper pushpinned to the wall had printed out black & white photos of his second in command.
Not recent ones, but definitely nice ones.
The photographer had gotten her with different expressions and he smiled, remembering some things that had caused those particularly annoyed looks.
Jack carefully got up, his body letting him know that going through a cracked Quantum mirror had landed him on top of some rather huge boxes full of pointy cornered objects.
His eyes took in the perimeter of the room, glancing across the bed and to the left where the chest freezer sat.
A freezer in a bedroom.
He opened it and saw frozen pizzas, frozen quiches, lots of frozen sugar-free breads that made him gag and then he noticed some frozen frenchbread.
Louisiana Frenchbread...nice.
He looked at the floor under the window where clear plastic had been laid on the floor underneath the cat food and water dish that read "Psycho Kitty" in bold engraving.
Whoever's room this was...they were weird.
He navigated around the boxes and stacks, trying to keep from looking too closely at the contents of the three trashcans he'd spotted so far.
He paused to look in the curio cabinet, noting all of the cats and elephants mixed with little crystal figures and some strange lizards.
He glanced at the room entrance, seeing the purple towel draped over the door and continued his inspection of the room, trying to see anything that might explain how he'd come here.
A clear plastic chest of drawers held Star Wars books and then a decent oak bookcase, half of which was being used as a mini pantry.
A border, maybe?
He looked at the photos, but didn't recognize anyone so only glanced over the books in the other half of the bookcase before moving to another clear plastic chest of drawers that held Star Trek books and was covered with medication and what looked to be a medicine log.
He wrinkled his nose, knowing how much he hated to take a pain killer.
He couldn't imagine taking all of this...stuff.
The clock meowed and he sent it an annoyed look as he passed the small weights and two taller clear plastic chest of drawers stock full of stationary and art supplies.
As he touched the desk, he saw a long white and gray cat happily stretched across the windowsill, soaking in the sun pouring into the room through the large window.
He kept an eye on it; vividly remembering when the kitten Daniel gave Sam to replace Schroedinger had gone insane on him when he'd accidentally awakened it.
Jack leaned closer to the wall, studying the pinned paper.
It was...it really was a collage of Carter.
He looked around the room again.
It sure looked like a girl's room so he wasn't quite sure what the reason for the collage was, but more confusing was how it had been created.
Only a couple had been taken inside the SGC.
The others were definitely from missions...offworld.
This was one explanation he couldn't wait to hear.
Jack looked at the papers taped to the window shade and then whirled around as the bedroom door pushed open to give entrance to a small brownish striped cat-shaped blur.
It raced into the room and onto the freezer, chased by a large black and white cat, obviously ticked off at the smaller cat by the feral look in its eye.
Jack backed up against the desk, wondering just how many cats lived here as the two dueling felines took their fight onto the bottom full-sized mattress of the white bunk bed.
He groaned lightly as the smaller cat sounded as if it was dying when the larger cat wasn't even touching it.
He sighed.
He'd be knocking the crap out of a whiner like that, too.
Jack glanced back and saw the grey one watching him and recognized another alpha male.
Territorial...with claws...no problem...leaving now.
Jack carefully made his way to the door of the room, looking for threats and other surprises as he poked his head into the hallway to see if any humans were here at all.
Staying as silent as he could on the pathetically cheap carpet in the hall, he wrinkled his nose at the nauseating mauve wallpaper.
He glanced in two other bedrooms he passed as well as a large bathroom, pausing to stare at the broken faucet in the tub.
He wasn't sure he wanted to know how that had happened.
The litterbox had recently been in use and he sprayed a couple sprits of the air freshener nearby to make the room livable again.
Jack walked to the top of the four stairs that ended the hall in the living room and froze when he heard a very feminine chuckle.
A sweeping glance of the room showed the connected kitchen and living room, the large TV, the fireplace, the awful country blue/dirty pink kitchen color scheme and more dingy carpeting.
A very lived-in house.
Jack sighed quietly and slipped to the doorway of the room from which the chuckle had eminated, taking a moment to look out the long window beside the front door.
Trying to ignore the floral shower curtain hanging in the entry of his destination, he stepped so he could see around the doorjamb and took in the room's contents.
Carter would love it.
Science catalogs, puzzle books, three computers, what looked like a frightening maze of cords on a long puke-green table and a decent oval wooden table with chairs of various quality scattered around.
Lots of other machines, too, but what really caught his eye, though, was the redhead that was concentrating so fiercely on the monitor in front of her that she hadn't even noticed his approach.
He decided to try his luck and walked as quietly as he could, looking at the myriad of CDs, notepads, sketches, bottles of water, floppies, and other computer paraphernalia stacked around her.
A sneaking suspicion that this was the owner of the similarly organized room he'd fallen into snaked around his brain as he tried to figure out just what she was doing.
As far as he could tell, she was writing something in one window, chatting in another, and checking her email in another.
Great...another Net addict.
He'd had just the most wonderful time dragging Cassie away from her computer after Sam had gone and shown her how to use it.
The girl...woman...female person-type chuckled and then squealed like a shot pig when she saw him, upturning her chair and backing against the white china cabinet that was holding...board games and puzzles.
Jack shook his head at how strange this room was, noting the pizza box, fabric swatches and video tapes stacked where she'd been blocking his view before.
Videotapes...that had Stargate on them in large letters.
"Where did those come from?"
At first he thought she wasn't going to answer and then his eyebrows raised as she not only spoke, but also stepped forward.
"Umm...hi. I'm umm...I'm Garnet."
Jack cocked his head at her, wondering if her hair wasn't more blond than red.
"Hi. I'm Jack."
Her answering grin as she rolled her eyes confused him, but he figured she was just a mark shy of being insane anyway as he realized the papers near him were printed E-Cards and the messages on them were...strange. They were also addressed to her, so were probably indicative of her mental state.
"Listen, I got here by accident and I need you to help me get back to where I'm supposed to be."
"Oh! Okay...here's the phone. Cool costume...I didn't think you wore that offset, though."
"Not a costume and I don't need the phone. I need your room...and you."
He saw her eyebrows rise and tried to clarify.
"I need you to tell me if anything strange is in your ceiling for one thing."
Jack's exasperation with the situation was reaching record heights as she just stared at him before speaking.
"Just how hard did you hit your head? Is this a joke?"
"Oh for crying out loud, it's not a joke.
Her eyes were huge and he was afraid for a moment that she'd keel over.
He watched her look over his BDUs, and her small gasp told him she'd seen the knife damage on his hip as well as the zat he was still carrying.
"Why did you wanna know where the tapes came from?"
"Oh gee...because you're obviously a civilian with access to confidential...what?"
Garnet stepped forward again, searching his eyes.
"You said you're Jack...as in...Jack O'Neill rather than Richard Dean Anderson on a mental kick?"
"How did you know my name and who?"
Jack's uneasy suspicion made his jaw lock in place as she obviously tried to decide exactly what to say.
"Just spit it out."
"No, I don't think so. You do NOT want to know what I know. Let's just take a look at where you came in and see about getting the rest of your team over here."
"No, let's find out how I got here and send me back."
"Huh? Oh yeah, sure. That's what I meant."
Jack started to turn and froze when he saw her put the chair right and sit down, typing furiously on the keyboard.
"What are you doing?"
"Gotta tell them where I went or they'll call me to make sure I haven't gotten sick or fallen or something."
"You do that often?"
"Not...all the time."
Her grin made him really uneasy as she tried unsuccessfully to check him out again.
He supposed he should be flattered.
He leaned closer to see who she was chatting with.
"MishaNova...Mirlou...Petlady? At least Rachel is a normal name."
"Hey! You shouldn't read over my shoulder. It's rude."
Jack looked at her in shock before realizing she was teasing him and started to smile back before remembering she wanted to bring the rest of his team here, too.
He'd need to watch her carefully to make sure she didn't pull any fast ones.
Jack looked down as a cat meowed at him rather forcefully.
"You're in the way. He wants his chair."
"You're kidding."
"It's his chair...no matter what my mom says."
Jack moved to the side a bit and watched the black & white cat jump into the brown folding chair beside him.
"That's Quest. Have you seen my other cats?"
"I saw a couple others."
"Tubby and Cinnamon."
"Wonderful, now I feel at home. Can we get a move on here?"
"Huh? Oh yeah...they don't believe me anyway so sure."
Jack watched her put the windows on the bar, grabbing her hand when he saw photos of SGC personnel appear.
"What page is this?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know how this is possible. At least not without a lot of explanation that'll just make your head hurt anyway."
He glared at her cheeky grin, tightening his hold on her hand a bit.
"You know, I might think you're flirting with me."
Jack looked at her, trying to decide how to proceed.
Finally, he leaned forward so his mouth was almost brushing hers, smiling inwardly at her intake of breath.
"Oh you'd know if I was flirting with you..."
Her eyes widened even more at his seductively casual tone and then she grinned before leaning forward, kissing him soundly.
His eyebrows hit the ceiling twice before returning to his head and he returned the rather nice kiss while taking advantage of her distraction to read the screen behind her.
He deepened the kiss, pushing her back a bit to get a better look at the one of him and Marty talking on Jolinar's ship.
He was confused and other than saying some really cracked things about him and the snakehead...Oy!
He pulled back, realizing she'd had her eyes open and was shaking not with barely restrained desire, but with laughter.
"You should see your face. I've always wondered what you'd think of my page here."
"You think I'd get with...with...him? He likes Carter."
"Well...in one of my stories he likes Daniel..."
"Umm...no. That's not how it works."
"Well to be more precise, he likes Jolinar who's inside Daniel."
"Jolinar's dead."
"No, actually, she's not. I explained it thoroughly."
"It's dead."
"No, she isn't."
Jack stopped, realizing he was arguing with someone who hadn't even been there in the first place when it had happened and so couldn't possibly have any clue whatsoever what she was talking about.
Therefore, time to change the subject.
"How do you know all of this? Just...tell me. No more "you don't wanna know" crap cuz I'm sick and tired of..."
"Alternate reality."
"Huh? Yeah, I got that...I fell through a quantum mirror and ended up in your room so I knew I was in another reality already."
"Oh good. I knew you weren't as stupid as you seem to be on TV sometimes...totally dense. You should sue."
"TV...I've never been on TV."
Garnet's grin was terrifying...he waited for a second to see if her eyes would glow.
"I can prove it to you."
"Then do it."
She reached over, looking through the Stargate tapes next to her.
After a moment she pushed him back and stood.
"Yup...these'll do. Hungry?"
"A bit, but I'd really..."
"Trust me. Stargate is not to be rushed."

an't wait to see what's said on this one...